As I sit thinking back on my day I am trying to figure out why it's been a disaster. I don't know what happened to me today but I lost all self-control for a few hours. My desires to sin overcame my desires to be righteous and it freaked the crap out of me. I mean, nothing happened, but only because I wasn't in a position where it could. Have you ever had a personal apostasy in your head for like 2 hours? It was weird, and I don't like it. Now I am left to ponder what I did wrong.
Anyway, the best thing about life is that nothing is stagnant...whether you approve or not, things are always changing. I think that more than we realize, we have the chance to be an active participant in these changes, if we choose to be. Even sin can be temporary if we take hold of the atonement and run with it.
I love Winston Churchill. In 1941 (and during WWI at a time when it looked like Britain could be in serious danger of being overcome by its enemies) he gave a speech to students at a certain school. He stood at the podium and said
"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."
This is how I feel tonight. I'm mad at myself, and frustrated that today wasn't my best...but it was just one day and I need to move on. I will never give up...and I have faith that the savior will never give up on me.
By the way, I am amazed at how many people have just happened across my blog already. It's amazing. I guess the internets are more incredible than I had ever imagined. Thank you to all of my new readers. Thank you for visiting the blog and thank you for your comments. Realize that I sincerely consider you my friends in a 21st century, unconventional sort of way. But seriously, I do.
7 comments:
Wonderful post. You seem so well grounded. "Even sin can be temporary if we take hold of the atonement and run with it." Amen my friend! AMEN! And I love your Churchill quote... so true, NEVER give up or yield. Hold the line my friend. As you so well stated, change is all around us. I have experienced those two (2) hour apostasies in my head a lot, but change comes and its over and I move on. We are all moving forward somewhere, let's hope it is in the general direction of the right destination. I am glad I found your blog. I look forward to more.
Thanks so much Eric. I look forward to getting to know you.
I like how you describe having "a personal apostasy in your head for like 2 hours." I know what that feels like as well. Last summer was a lot like that, and even now there will be little moments like that. However, I believe the sum of our desires is what is more important. Two hours of confusion and rebelliousness are not as important if most of the time you feel dedicated and know what you want. I really am enjoying reading your blog. I'll keep checking it out when I get a chance! If you get a chance, take a glance at mine too!
It happens to the best of us friend. We just pick up the pieces and move forward.
my new knowledge tells me to acknowledge what it is but don't let your preceived failure to rule who and what you want to be. You are the determinante factor in this race of yours. And you can do it.
thanks for being there by the way.
Thrasius, do you have an email address? I'd like to email you offline if I could. Email me at enduringtotheend@gmail.com
I remember a couple years back I had a personal apostasy day... I didn't do anything either, but it really disturbed me. I guess I just have to remind myself that no matter what, God loves me -regardless of my thoughts, feelings, and actions, God loves me. Knowing that God isn't disapointed in us because of our weaknesses can be a tremendous strength. He expected us to struggle.
I love the notion of a two-hour apostacy. I've had quite a few of those in my life; some I've actually apostasized during them (you know what I mean), some I haven't. Some have lasted longer than a couple of hours.
But once I get my bearings I eventually realize where I should be.
I learned a long time ago it doesn't do any good to beat myself up about what happened in the past; I can't change it. I need to repent of it, of course, but I also need to move on, as Loyalist said.
I enjoy your posts and look forward to getting to know you better.
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