Monday, February 5, 2007
Things fall apart...
As I sit thinking back on my day I am trying to figure out why it's been a disaster. I don't know what happened to me today but I lost all self-control for a few hours. My desires to sin overcame my desires to be righteous and it freaked the crap out of me. I mean, nothing happened, but only because I wasn't in a position where it could. Have you ever had a personal apostasy in your head for like 2 hours? It was weird, and I don't like it. Now I am left to ponder what I did wrong.
Anyway, the best thing about life is that nothing is stagnant...whether you approve or not, things are always changing. I think that more than we realize, we have the chance to be an active participant in these changes, if we choose to be. Even sin can be temporary if we take hold of the atonement and run with it.
I love Winston Churchill. In 1941 (and during WWI at a time when it looked like Britain could be in serious danger of being overcome by its enemies) he gave a speech to students at a certain school. He stood at the podium and said
"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."
This is how I feel tonight. I'm mad at myself, and frustrated that today wasn't my best...but it was just one day and I need to move on. I will never give up...and I have faith that the savior will never give up on me.
By the way, I am amazed at how many people have just happened across my blog already. It's amazing. I guess the internets are more incredible than I had ever imagined. Thank you to all of my new readers. Thank you for visiting the blog and thank you for your comments. Realize that I sincerely consider you my friends in a 21st century, unconventional sort of way. But seriously, I do.